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FemmeSOFFAs :: General :: Queer, straight, bi... :: Identity
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AuthorTopic: Identity (Read 295 times)
Elizabeth Maples-Bays
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Identity
« Thread Started on Jul 26, 2003, 1:43pm »		[Quote]
Hello all,

I recently received an email from a lesbian who needed support from other lesbians, but who felt that she needed to have this come from androgynous lesbians like herself.

Besides being sorry that I could not give her what she needed, I was also a little bit hurt that my offer of help was refused because I am femme. I understand *wanting* support from others like yourself, but refusing help from other people just seemed weird to me.

I know when we were in the throes of transition, I would take help from wherever I could get it.

Anyone else have this kind of experience?

Beth
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Heather S.
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Re: Identity
« Reply #1 on Jul 28, 2003, 6:38am »		[Quote]
Hey, Beth...

I haven't had that kind of experience, but I can say that was a little narrow minded of her. Like, just because you are femme, that means, somehow, that you won't be able to understand what she's going through?? I don't get it? Does lipstick and skirts somehow inhibit our ability to understand others? It's her problem, obviously. I wouldn't worry about it, really.

Take care,
Heather
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There came a time when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. -- Anais Nin

Murray
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Re: Identity
« Reply #2 on Aug 5, 2003, 8:35pm »		[Quote]
Hello all,

I am not femme myself, but think perhaps you are the folks that I should ask for advise.

Do woman often look down on us boi's?

Often times I have been taking to someone and they are attracted to me until I mention I am ftm. Obviouly they are initially attracted to me physically and we will converse but the second i say that word. Poof gone.

And I am a sad boi.

Whas up wit dat?

Murray.
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Elizabeth Maples-Bays
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Re: Identity
« Reply #3 on Aug 5, 2003, 9:06pm »		[Quote]
Murray,

In reading your post, I found myself wondering what group of women you have approached in the past. Are these women lesbian? Are they femme as in their core identity? Or are they simply feminine women? (Which is not my personal definition of femme at all.) Are they straight?

There are all kinds of women who find themselves attracted to an FTM - lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual, pansexual - you name it. But, there is one specific subgroup that actually prefers FTMs. Some of them choose to describe themselves as transensual femmes. Some do not. It might help in your search for a partner if you search in spaces where these women congregate - either in real time or online.

I am aware that some FTMs prefer not to disclose their status, and that, in fact, some do not see themselves as trans at all. They see themselves as men - period. There are some women who are attracted to guys like that as well.

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Elizabeth Maples-Bays
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Re: Identity
« Reply #4 on Aug 5, 2003, 9:09pm »		[Quote]
Murray,

Sorry...didn't mean to hit "send". You know how that is.

To finish:

The women that I know that are involved in the trans community do not look down on FTM guys at all. Perhaps the women you ran into just weren't expecting a disclosure or maybe there were some other factors at play here. I just couldn't say without hearing more about the context in which this occurred.

Take it easy. You'll find your lady when you are least expecting her.

Beth - Sam's Forever Femme

www.transfemme.net
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Donna
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Re: Identity
« Reply #5 on Sept 3, 2003, 3:09pm »		[Quote]
Hi Murry,

Myself personally, it could have been the "shock" of finding out you weren't biologically male. I know when Kale first told me I was stunned. I had worked with transgenders/transsexuals but they were MtF.

I was so shocked, I went home and proceeded to get drunk. I wrote many emails to Kale, asking all sorts of questions. He did not get mad at me but answered me as openly and honestly as he could. He didn't phone or call - he let me make the move. Two days later, after alot of thinking and debating with myself - I realized I loved Kale for who he was. It didn't matter to me if he was biological male or not - he was still the man I fell in love with.

Kale and I often talk about that time and how shocked I was. He knows that I needed the time to adjust to the news. He also knows that I really love him because I accept him for who he is.
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Love, Laughter and Believe in yourself!
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